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My re-visiting of the B’fast Burrito is the best thing to come out of non-dairy life. In the last four months (4!), I haven’t had any dairy products. My last post about giving up cheese was a hard realization, my body and my skin could no longer hang with dairy. And although I literally miss cheese every single day, I am seeing some alternatives that I can live with.

The B’fast Burrito can be eaten anytime of day. It starts with a whole wheat tortilla, guacamole, eggs, re-purposed peppers and onions, a spoonful of salsa and my longtime friend, sriracha.


“If you really want to make a friend, go to someone’s house and eat with him… the people who give you their food give you their heart.” ~ Cesar Chavez

I moved back to the ‘burbs eleven months ago.

Where did that eleven month chunk of time go exactly?

I must have missed it in-between job searching, resume writing, teaching, freelance projects, American Museum of Natural History, dating, EatDrinkJobs, giving up dairy, finding my friends, throwing people weddings, being Aunt Thea, painting walls, breaking down others, giving gratitude, a craptastic break up, re-writing resumes, cover letters, testing boundaries, wiping tears, interviews, networking, e-mails, Stupid Cancer, throwing things out, planning events and writing thank you notes.

And for my thirty-first birthday my mother gave me a banner that says, “You yourself as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” ~ Buddha

Love and affection is on the menu for the next eleven months.

xoxo

I don’t do Valentine’s Day, but when I do, I do it with cupcakes.

I did not eat dairy – read CHEESE – for the entire month of January. It started as a personal experiment. And ended up with confirmation that dairy and I are not of the best of friends. Insert heartbreak here.

As a long-term cancer survivor of fourteen years, hormone imbalance has been part of my medical path. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me on the outside and then others, like this past September  kicked my butt. I started to break out like a teenager. Actually, worse than any acne I ever had before. Working with a dermatologist confirmed my hormone related skin explosions. I tried to identify what was making my skin change in my diet. And after a few months of ignoring it, I said it out-loud  “I break out the most when I eat cheese.” Heartbreak. Almost immediately, I saw an improvement in my skin and system after removing diary out of my diet.

In our country, most foods, especially dairy products are laden with hormones. There has been very little research done to show the side effect of hormones in food on humans. This Huff Po article from last year was a good breakdown of what we do and don’t know. This also showed me I need to read more about hormones in general from reliable sources. And go see the endocrinologist who can actually calculate my hormone levels and give some educated feedback to what I already know.

As a foodie, we all have our “thing.” For some it’s homemade kumquat jam or homemade pasta or butternut squash ravioli or chocolate ganache. My greatest indulgence has been cheese. All different kinds. All different smells, tastes and colors. Cheese o’ glorious cheese. I’ve made my own ricotta, read cheesemonger tales and dedicated many a glass of wine to the pairing experience. I do not see myself with any extreme dietary changes at the moment, but I do think my hormone crusted foods, especially cheese, will be less and less.

As I re-introduce dairy products back in, to see what bothers my system and skin the most, let’s pray for the cheese.

Murray's Cheese Shopw

thank·ful (thngkfl)

adj.

1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.

2. Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile.


thankful·ly adv.

thankful·ness n.

In the last year I have changed my job, my home, my friends, my commute, my perspective, my mind, my hair and my goals. Goals became incredibly short-term, not my usual planning ahead. My hair is officially growing out all of the color and the longest it has ever been. My mind really is a muscle and it seems the more you dump into it, the harder it is to be clear (work in progress). My perspective is an evolving script at the moment, not really sure the theme just yet. My commute went back to car / train / subway / feet as it was many years ago. My friends, just as I expected are epically amazing, they are my family I was responsible for creating. My home is one I lived in many many many lives ago and although not ideal at times, it’s an incredible gift to be warm and safe and loved unconditionally. My job was once a stationary activity in the country and now is an ever-changing combination of consulting. I seem to thrive on some level of “too much.”

With all of this change, I cannot help to think of how AMAZING it is to be able to do all of things I have done. I stood up for myself, I survived heartbreak, I committed to the non-profit world, and I created nourishment for the soul and the stomach. Looking back, despite the curveballs, it’s all good.

I am ridiculously full of thanks.

I am thankful for my family, anyone that has come in contact with them falls in love, too.

I am thankful for the ability and gift to do my job, and what lately are three jobs all at once.

I am thankful for the lack of tears lately, with such a year of change, I was gunning for a Kleenex commercial.

I am thankful for being reminded that I deserve the best.

I am thankful for “THE feeling,” I do believe universe, I do believe.

I am thankful for teaching, mentoring and learning.

I am thankful for Stupid Cancer, the organization that has redefined my commitment to the young adult cancer movement. My own healing has continued from during the path and we are making other journeys less lonely, painful and intense. A true gift, increasing the success of a cancer patient.

I am thankful for our home being intact after Hurricane Sandy and for all of the people who are (and have been) helping those impacted by the intensity of Mother Nature.

I am thankful for safety.

I am thankful for life.

I am thankful for all of you that are reading this. I have taken for granted that there is people on the other side of this page. I am rededicated to this place.

From my family, to yours, have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

After a weekend in the “country” I am headed back to my “other” life. When I first moved upstate there were so many emotions and uncertainties. And here I am living somewhere else and still have just as many uncertainties. I’m a better person for taking the risk, but the real question has become, now what? There are a few things I know for sure:

1. Moving to the country was one of the boldest things I had ever done and there are many people who would have never taken the leap. I am proud of myself for doing it in the first place.

2. The decision to leave the country and pursue career opportunities elsewhere was one of the hardest things I have ever done. And there are many people who would have just stayed. I am proud that I have the will to make decisions and carry them through with conviction.

3. The relationships I have are gifts from heaven. Although I have yet to meet the “one” I have strong and supportive roots in many places and spaces. These people are loving, supportive, kind and cheer me on in all that I do. I walk into a room and people actually cheer. It’s an insane and amazing reaction to get from your peers. Apparently, as I was told this weekend, “I see why everyone is so obsessed with you.” Humbled. And thankful.

4. People are not going to change. My Dad’s theory reins true, we are pretty much fully developed by seven years old, the rest of it is further development of our basic personality. We can expect or demand change from someone else. We can only do our own changing and growing. Including the way we react to behaviors we don’t care for. It’s our work we have to do.

“Ahh, Home
Yes, I am Home
Home is when I’m alone with you.”
~ Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

Why is it that only when you are already on the train platform do you remember the things that were left behind? Today, the phone charger. Last week, the coffee cup. Tomorrow, the scarf that matches just so. Commuter problems.

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“Time goes faster the more hollow it is. Lives with no meaning go straight past you, like trains that don’t stop at your station.” ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafron

I have lived on Long Island (again) for 20 weeks. But, hey, who’s counting.

Commuting is intense. My skin is revolting, new patterns of bumps and redness are having a party. On. My. Face. I’m 30 and live with my parents. I am in the same room (although freshly painted) that I lived in when I was in the 9th grade. There are no perfect commuting shoes. The city is dirty. And smells. Sorry, just telling the truth.

For the first time, in a long time, I don’t have a specific goal. For as long as I can remember, there was Thea and her goal. And then I would make it happen with dedication, energy and pure will. So it’s time to get going on a new set of goals. Pronto.

On the plus side… There has been a great project with EatDrinkJobs keeping me busy. An amazing organization – StupidCancer – that has helped redefine my “cancer survivor” card. I’m even guest co-hosting the Stupid Cancer Radio Show tomorrow night! Finding a local sushi joint, Yuzu. My sister’s childhood best friend has become my train, gym, food shopping buddy. More importantly a built-in friend. Thank goodness for small miracles.

No one said adjusting to Long Island (again) was going to be easy. No one said it was going to be this hard either, but at least the waterworks don’t run every night.

“Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul” 
~ George Harrison

If nothing else, the last few weeks have taught me that the “stuff” I had to put into storage is not the only thing being kept away. There is an incredible defense system already built into our “how and I going to deal?” thought process. And just as my “stuff” was put away, so were my emotions. I am no where near the opening of that floodgate, but do know that it has to be sorted into the same piles as all of the other “stuff” – keep, throw out, giveaway and store.

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“The more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give. The less you have, the more free you are.” ~ Mother Teresa

I moved out of the house in the country 77 days ago. Since then, it has felt like pulling off a Band-Aid connected to every piece of hair and skin under it.

Some would say that a slow process allows you to feel all of the emotions (sadness, confusion, anger, resentment, etc.) and others (all of the people who know me) know this has been incredibly hard for me. First, I emptied my room of all of my ‘things’ I needed to bring to Long Island. Then, I started to pack boxes of other less needed things. Then, there was the full day of packing and organizing the kitchen. And most recently, a three-day sorting, packing and selling everything else.

I am tired.

Two things made the three-day binge bearable. My amazing, ridiculous, fabulous, lovely and funny friends – especially two AHmazing ladies who loved me, fed me, sorted, priced, moved, schlepped and cleaned up the moving sale. And my roommate. In the midst of packing and sorting we did all of our normal roommate-like stuff. A tuna stack, sushi and a shared slice of pizza all in one night, just because we are grownups and we could. A trip to Walmart that allowed wandering around aimlessly. A trip to the bagel store, where we complained about the service and wished for our own place with bagels and good service and ice coffee under one roof. Sorting boxes side-by-side because company is always better when you are doing something you don’t want to. And a final Sunday night dinner with our closest friends. The very friends that had spent a lot of the last two years in that house, too. Fourth of July BBQs, birthday parties, dinners, breakfasts the next morning, laughing, dance parties, Passover for thirty-two seats, cooking, Halloween, cider and eggnog, football, cupcakes and ice cream sandwiches, hook-ups, break-ups, drinks on the patio, star-gazing in the middle of the night, fireworks and a masquerade ball all happened in that house with those very very special people.

I know the next trip up to the house in the country is the day I put all of my furniture and kitchen into storage. I don’t want to. I understand that I have to and it’s the next step for me in my mind, but the heart is speaking an entirely different language.

I never knew the most colorful walls I had ever seen in my whole entire life and “I found this house online that I want to look at, but I don’t have anyone to go see it with me,” would change everything and everyone.

“I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.” ~ Maya Angelou

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